


What Once Was Lost

by Silverdrift



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Faked Death, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route Spoilers, Golden Deer Ferdinand von Aegir, Imperial Traitor Ferdinand, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Gonder Field, Recovering from injury, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25818691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverdrift/pseuds/Silverdrift
Summary: Lorenz wakes after sustaining heavy injuries at Gronder to find Ferdinand at his side... but Ferdinand had died at the bridge. He watched him die, an arrow in his heart... Surely this was a fever dream...
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Lorenz Hellman Gloucester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	What Once Was Lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mandakatt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mandakatt/gifts).



> Written as a reward for my dear Mandakatt for putting her nose down and finishing some important work that she was struggling with! Enjoy!

Lorenz groaned as his eyes fluttered open, wincing both at the bright sunlight filtering though the window and the pain that flooded his senses. He was alive… though, he wasn’t sure how. He remembered being in the thick of battle, riding and weaving through waves of enemies as he tried to clear a path for the alliance army. At some point he had been dismounted and overwhelmed, but he fought them with all he had, standing his ground until he finally collapsed. He thought surely that was the end… and yet…   
  
“Lorenz… Thank the Goddess...”   
  
That voice…

Then the memory returned to him. Just before he lost consciousness, there was another horse.. And a flash of brilliant orange hair. Slowly he turned his head to look in the direction of the voice, confusion now joining the look of pain upon his face. 

“Ferdinand…? You…” He went to move, hoping to sit up or at the very least face the man properly, but the effort bore nothing more than a sharp stabbing feeling and hiss of pain.

“Please, do not move.” Ferdinand pleaded, moving to Lorenz’s bedside quickly. “Your injuries are still healing. It is nothing short of a miracle that you survived, even with how diligent Marianne has been with your healing…” He was thankful when Lorenz didn’t argue, just making a soft noise of acknowledgement and laying still. “You have been unconscious for several days… For a while, I feared I was too late.”

“Why did you save me?” The question came out sharp, perhaps more so than Lorenz had meant, but between the pain and the myriad of unanswered questions assaulting his mind, it was all he could manage… though he did feel a bit bad seeing that wide-eyed look upon Ferdinand’s face. “How did you save me?? You were the enemy.. Claude… Claude killed you at the bridge…”

“Ah… I assumed that Claude would have told you…” Ferdinand stated. “Though, in retrospect, I suppose it is no surprise that he did not. The fewer people that knew the better and Claude is quite good at keeping his secrets…”

“What sort of nonsense…”

“It is a bit of a long story. I am happy to share it with you, but first, will you allow me to fetch Marianne? It pains me to see you suffering so.”

“I-“ Lorenz started to argue, but the words died in his throat seeing that genuine concern upon the redhead’s face. He heaved a soft sigh and glanced away. “Very well. Do what you must… but promise me you will tell me. I need to know…”

“Of course, Lorenz. You have my word.” Ferdinand said with a bow, something deeper than just a polite gesture, and then turned to leave. 

It wasn’t long before he returned with Marianne and Claude in tow. Marianne went to work quickly, undoing the bandages and cleaning each wound before holding out her hands, alight with white magic. 

Claude just leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and a soft sort of grin on his face. “Welcome back, Lorenz. You had us all worried, especially Ferdinand here.” He chuckled when Ferdinand shot him a look with the biggest blush. “How’re you feeling?”

“If I am to be honest, I feel as if I have been trampled by an entire cavalry battalion…”

“With all of your injuries, I would be more worried if you didn’t feel that way.” Marianne replied softly, rebandaging the wound she had been working on and moving on to the next. “Hopefully this will help…”

“You are doing amazing, Marianne, keep it up.” Claude encouraged. “I know you just woke up, but do you need anything? Tea? A small snack? A swift kick in the ass for scaring us like that?”

Lorenz let off the softest, somewhat amused snort. “Some tea sounds wonderful, if it- Hng…” He winced, gritting his teeth in an attempt to muffle the sound of his pain.

“I’m sorry… I’m almost done.” 

“It is alright…” He paused, taking a slow steadying breath before looking back to Claude. “I would like some tea, yes...”

“I am on it!” Ferdinand piped up, heading to the door again. “I shall return soon, tea in hand!”

“Ferdinand wait, I still need you-” Lorenz sighed, scowling when he heard Claude start laughing. “I fail to see what is so funny, Claude.”

“It's just that the two of you are just… wow. ” Claude pushed himself off the wall, still laughing as he dropped his arms back to his side. “I’ve never seen two people that can make even the most cliche romance novels to shame.”

“Claude!” Lorenz blurted out, face red all the way to his ears. 

“And here I thought Yuri and I were bad!”

“Claude von Riegan, so help me…” 

“Sorry, Sorry. But really. It’s cute.” Claude came over as Marianne stepped away, giving her a small nod as she gathered her things to leave. When he looked back to Lorenz, his expression shifted to something more genuine, a smile on his face that truly reached his eyes. “I suppose I’ve got some explaining to do, huh?”

“Yes.” The answer was short and snappy, and followed by an irritated scowl. “You most certainly do. You can start with how in the world Ferdinand is here when I saw you strike him down at the Bridge of Myrrdin!”

“I’ve been working with Ferdinand since this war started.” Claude began, grabbing some pillows and extra blanket so he could help Lorenz sit up as comfortably as possible. “After Teach vanished, Ferdinand contacted Yuri through a very convoluted series of contacts, knowing that was the best way to get to me without being found out… even if it was pricey.” He paused, stuffing the pillows behind Lorenz as he raised him up. “He’s been feeding me Imperial troop intel whenever he could, which has been… invaluable to our cause, but I told him not to do anything that would risk him getting caught. If something actually happened to him because of this, I knew it would kill you, despite him being an ‘enemy’.”

“I… did not realize you cared so much.”

“We’ve had our ups and downs, Lorenz, but at the end of the day, you are a brother in arms… and a dear friend.” Claude flashed a cheeky grin then. “And you can’t expect me to learn of you being hopelessly in love with Ferdinand and not want to fight to keep him alive? How am I supposed to mercilessly tease you about if he dies?”

“I am  _ not  _ hopelessly in love!”

“Lorenz… when you thought I killed him, everyone could see how badly it hurt you. And you spent the next week unable to talk to me without tearing up.”

“I… Well, that was… It...” Lorenz stuttered, face turning red again. “I suppose it is a bit more obvious than I had hoped…”

“Only if you know what to look for.” The relief that washed over Lorenz’s expression caused Claude to let out a soft laugh as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “Anyway, when we were going to march on the bridge, he sent me what to expect and told me that was where he was stationed. It would be too risky for him to try and leave with Ladislava there, so we came up with a plan. The arrow I shot him with was coated in a poison of my own design. Slows down the heart and breathing so much that it is undetectable, making it look like he was killed in combat, but in reality, he was forced into... basically a short hibernation. But.. it had to look real. Which is why I couldn’t tell you…”

“And why you told me we had no time for a burial…” Lorenz added softly, realization in his voice. 

“Exactly.” Claude confirmed. “We moved on, preparing for our march to Gronder, and by sunrise, the poison had long worn off and Ferdinand fled to a predetermined location to meet up with us later.” 

“Then explain to me why you thought it a good idea for him to join the battle at Gronder? Was it not dangerous for him to be spotted again before you could properly integrate him as I assume was your plan? What if our own soldiers thought him still an enemy and-”

“Claude had nothing to do with that, I’m afraid.”

Lorenz and Claude both looked up at Ferdinand as he came in the room, bed tray and tea in hand. There was a sad, almost scared look on his face. “Claude… If you would please.”

Claude gave him a knowing smile and got up from the bed. “Sure thing. All yours.” As he walked, by, he stopped to place a gentle hand on Ferdinand’s shoulder. There was never a word said between the two, just a sort of silent encouragement and reassurance for Claude and a thankful smile from Ferdinand. “If you need something, I’ll be in the library. Don’t have too much fun!”

Lorenz gasped and scowled at the Alliance Leader as he darted out the door laughing. “Claude!”

Ferdinand uttered a strangled squeak and turned as red as his coat. “Well then…” It took him another breath or two before he managed to will his feet forward again, walking closer to the bed with the bed tray, setting it down over Lorenz’s legs and pouring a cup. “Here. I know you have a preference for floral teas, but I wished to get you something that might help with your pain as well, so hopefully this rosehip and hibiscus tea will suit your tastes.”

“Thank you, Ferdinand. This is very kind.” Lorenz picked up the cup and saucer, blowing on the tea to cool it a bit as Ferdinand poured his own cup and sat down. Silence followed… it wasn’t an uncomfortable type of silence, really, but there was still so much he wished to ask and say, that he could hardly feel comfortable. “Ferdinand…?”

“Yes?”

“Why were you at Gronder?” He asked plainly, sitting his tea cup down and looking up at the man across from him. “It was too much of a risk. You could have been killed.”

“And if I had not shown,  _ you  _ would have been.” Ferdinand countered calmly. 

“That… Yes. And I am eternally grateful. However, that does not answer my question. Something could have happened! You and Claude’s elaborate plan would have all been for naught. There was nothing to be gained by you being there…”

“That may be true…” Ferdinand replied softly, sitting his own cup down and finally meeting Lorenz's gaze. “However, what I was to gain by going is far less important than what I would have lost if I had not.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had a dream that night.” He began, fear starting to cloud though normally bright orange eyes. “It was such an odd dream… it was as if I were watching the familiar fields of Gronder from above. As if I were the clouds themselves… I watched the three armies clash upon those fields in the most bloody, terrible battle I have ever seen… but I would have rather had my still beating heart torn from my chest over…” His voice cracked and he trailed off, glancing away to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. When he continued speaking, his voice was so much softer, on the verge of breaking down. “Over having to see you die like that again…”

Lorenz’s mouth fell open in shock. “Ferdinand…”   
  
“I awoke in a cold sweat, unable to get a full breath because my chest felt so unbearably tight… And when I realized that I had been dreaming, I mounted up and departed for Gronder.” Ferdinand let out a quiet, shaky sigh. He still wasn’t sure he  _ wasn’t  _ going to cry, but he forced himself to look at Lorenz again. “Even if that is all it was, merely a dream, I could not take that risk. Making sure you lived far outweighed the threat to my own life.”

“You came to Gronder… and risked everything you had worked toward… because you feared for my safety?” Lorenz asked, shocked, dumbfounded, looking Ferdinand over frantically for any sort of clues or answers. “I do not understand. Why…?”

“Lorenz, I have something I must confess. Words I should have spoken years ago, but was too afraid to do so for many reasons… but I have been given a second chance. I cannot let it pass me by. Will you hear me out? Afterwards, I promise I will explain the why to you.” 

“Of course, Ferdinand… for you, I will always listen.” 

“Thank you.” Ferdinand fell quite for a moment, taking a deep breath in an effort to calm his racing heart. “Lorenz… I love you. I have since our days at the academy. You understood me in a way no other could, and while we had our differences of opinion, I always felt comfortable being myself around you… Before I truly realized it, I was completely taken. I struggled to find a way to tell you. I was afraid of what you might say or how you might react and the thought of this pushing you away was too much… but I have never regretted anything more than not telling you. That is why I began assisting Claude, why I agreed to this plan to fake my death, why I risked it all to save your life… and why I cried so deeply when I thought, despite all my efforts, I had arrived too late. All of this… I did because of my fervent, undying love for you…”

“I-I… truly?”

“Yes.... I will always carry these feelings within my heart, now until I breath my last. I have never in my life meant anything more.”

“This…” Lorenz trailed off with an amused, but shy laugh. “This sounds oddly like a marriage proposal, Ferdinand.”

“O-oh!” Ferdinand could feel his face heating up. “Apologies! I did not mean it in such a way! I was simply telling you how I felt and I suppose I got a bit carried away! I do not even have a ring or-”

“Well, good. I am glad it is not.” Lorenz said with a wave of his hand. “I would be rather upset to miss out on the chance to court you properly before being wed.”

Ferdinand blinked for a moment then began to laugh. “Would you have denied me if I  _ had _ been asking for your hand?”

“No. I would not have.” Lorenz’s expression grew soft then. “In truth, I have always been fond of you as well, but neglected to tell you for many of the same reasons. To know that all that time you felt the same…”

“It makes it seem as if we have been together for years and simply did not realize it…” Ferdinand reached over with a small chuckle and took Lorenz’s hand in his, his grip gentle so as not to hurt him, and placing a soft kiss upon his knuckles. “Perhaps one day, when this war is over and victory is ours… Perhaps then I will truly ask for your hand. Since I know now you would not deny me!”

“And that, dearest Ferdinand, is the day I  _ most  _ look forward to.” Then he paused and shook his head as he picked up his cup once more. “Second most.”

“Second most?” Ferdinand echoed, completely baffled, slowly picking up his tea as well. “What day could you be looking forward to more?”

“Our grand wedding of course!”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Ah nobles in love...
> 
> come hang out with me on twitter @Silverdriftxiii


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